Did you know that most emotions last about ninety seconds? They are a result of how our bodies chemically react to triggers we experience. Once the chemical reaction passes, our feelings may linger far longer depending on how we think about what has occurred. We can often change the way we feel by shifting our attention and our thoughts.
Have you ever had a song stuck in your head? I have. Sometimes it is a song I like and sometimes it is just the last thing I heard. After the recent Grammy Awards, I had the Tracy Chapman song, Fast Car, stuck in my head for more than a week. It played in my head when I took a shower, when I cooked dinner, when I drove in my not-so-fast car, and when I was trying to sleep. It was persistent. It felt automatic and out of my control.
This type of earworm, like an unwelcome feeling, can be relentless. I evicted this wonderful but unwelcome song from living rent free in my head the same way I soften and release an unwelcome feeling. When it shows up, I notice it and then breathe and shift my attention elsewhere. With patience and intention, it works! It is like ignoring a dog that begs at the table. Eventually it will give up and lie down.
We don’t have to wait for problems to resolve in order to feel some relief. We have the ability to feel better now. I have seen this in action during counseling sessions with clients who are suffering with strong emotions that are intrusive and difficult for them to manage. If they change the way they think about something and refocus their attention, their feelings often become more manageable.
This is not an attempt to discount feelings. It is an attempt to shift our experience if our feelings are not serving us. Sometimes our feelings provide a clear and essential navigation tool. Sometimes they help us to heal. At other times they are echoes of ways of being that limit us and keep us stuck.
How are you feeling?